The holiday season is full of complexity and Dickensian oppositions. It is peaceful yet chaotic, emotional yet detached, filled with family and friends yet sometimes lonely. It is also the season of blatant advertising, products divorced from meaning, loud songs that provide noise rather than contemplation.
Every year I make some of the same mistakes, and though I have a nice Christmas, I am sometimes left feeling slightly disappointed. So this year I made some rules for myself which I think will help me to stay centered and contented throughout the holidays.
Rule 1: Actually write notes on those Christmas cards.
I miss the days of writing letters. The letters alone were evidence of your importance in someone’s life: they sat down and took the time to write. But now we have e-mail and text, and those messages don’t suggest the same devotion. Nor, alas, do the Christmas cards with pre-printed messages that people don’t even bother to sign. It’s nice to be on their list, but it doesn’t suggest anything beyond an assembly line process. I don’t want people to feel that my card to them is just one of a hundred identical cards, so I wrote a note on each one. It’s a connection, and I think we are all craving connections these days:.
Rule 2: Have no expectations.
For too long I had a preconceived notion of how Christmas events HAD to go, from family dinners to neighborhood parties to the receipt of presents. I have learned not to make assumptions about what people will most enjoy. Everyone would rather eat in front of the tv instead of at the formal table? Well, okay. It’s Christmas. I can go with the flow. Someone seems unimpressed by the gift I chose so carefully? The reality is that I can’t control other people or their responses. So I go with the flow, chalk it up to experience, and move on.
Rule 3: Curate your own Christmas moments.
I tend to despise the Christmas music played in stores and on the radio. It’s predictable and pop-driven, and while I don’t mind secular music at all, some of it seems to actually suggest the OPPOSITE of the Christmas message–to be filled with joy at the birth of a child and the possibility of peace on earth. Instead, many of the songs tout materialism, sex, alcoholism. A strange sort of music, indeed. So I curate my own carefully-chosen Christmas playlists. I don’t listen to them all day long as though I can’t be happy in December without the constant soundtrack of holiday cheer. Instead, I play the music in quiet moments, or when I feel like singing along, or when I’m baking cookies. Otherwise? I consider silence a kind of music, too, and I love to indulge myself with silence. The ultimate Christmas peace.
Rule 4: Accept gifts with gratitude.
There was a time when I would reject offers of help or generosity because I “didn’t need them.” So I would say “no, thank you,” and feel proud to be independent. But now, not only am I less independent, but I also have the wisdom to know that it makes people happy when you accept their generosity. What an easy way to bring happiness to them and you! A neighbor offers extra cake? Yes, please! Someone offers me a ride to the store? Absolutely, thank you! Someone else invites me to a concert? Lovely, I’d be thrilled! Every act of generosity that I accept brings new layers to my holiday and a happy, satisfied feeling to the one who gives. And yes, I am also the one offering food or help or companionship. We take turns, in the neighborly way, celebrating Tidings of Comfort and Joy.
I have more rules, I suppose, but these are the ones that will best help me maintain a happy attitude through the New Year. Oh, and I almost forgot!
RULE 5: Read lots and lots of books!
Happy Holidays to all. My Yuletide newsletter is coming soon.
